ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
