i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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