yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
