hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
