first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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