So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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