My room smells like vodka and shame
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
