I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
