Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
