Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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