Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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