wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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