dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
