How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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