I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
