You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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