yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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