Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
