happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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