I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
