we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
