The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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