i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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