Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
