summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
