On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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