i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
