but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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