I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
