He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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