so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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