i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
