the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
