If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
