i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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