so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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