I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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