The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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