Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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