end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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