I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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