So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
