Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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