I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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