if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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