i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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