I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
