You made me cry and you don't even care
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
