you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
