for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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