I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
