He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
