Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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