Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
please come you make the beer taste better
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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