Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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