Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
