Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
