i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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