Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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