So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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