I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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