Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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