Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
zippers are such a cool invention
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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