he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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