yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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