Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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