I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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