my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
