I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
