Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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