Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just blew my weed a kiss
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
