dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
