I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize