dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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