Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
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you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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