I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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