I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
