I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
