I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
