i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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